READING, PA (WTXF) - "I just want it to be over already."
It's an existence known to more people than you might ever imagine.
"I have no choice, if I want to stay alive - I have to do it."
Hard to believe this 30-year-old beauty - who works with children who have disabilities- is sick at all... But it's what Ashley LaMarche hears all the time.
"It first started off with lupus when I was 16, by 18 it attacked my kidneys, so I went total renal failure."
Three hours a day - 5 days a week she hooks up to a dialysis machine at home in Reading, PA --
"Oh completely drained, I feel like the life has been sucked out of me"
Her now 5-year-old son Aaron tries to comfort his mommy... She doesn't want this to be all he knows.
"His dream id to go to Disney World but it's like how can I go to Disney World when I have all this stuff."
Dispelling myths and revealing the raw truth - is why Ashley says - she's speaking out now - enough suffering in silence.
"I had a transplant back in 2008, a friend donated it to me it lasted a good 3 and a half years."
That's when Aaron was born.
"By time he was 8 months old, it totally rejected my body. So I started dialysis again when I was 25 - I've been on the waiting list since 2011."
She's been through you know where and back - emergency surgeries leaving many scars.
"All my veins are blocked, I've been dealing with this for 12 years so my veins are like dead, they're shot."
Desperate for a kidney transplant, she's taken to Facebook -- "Share Your Spare, Save Ashley."
A couple dozen people have been tested so far.
"They match my blood type, I'm A+ but my antibodies are way too high."
So her search continues, as little Aaron waits patiently for mommy to feel better.
"I wanna watch my son grow. I'm tired of him seeing me in hospitals."
"My fear is that I won't make it through - giving up and saying 'I've had enough - but I know I won't because I have him for motivation.”
More information on how to help Ashley:
Lehigh Valley Hospital
**Ask to be tested for Ashley LaMarche**